Monday, January 17, 2011
I love this song but it really has spoken to me on a different level this weekend. If you have been following my journey,you know I have been struggling a bit with my feelings with my father. It hit me after a few talks with people and a lot of thinking. Love is like a drug, whether it is love like you love a lover or a parent or a friend and if that love isn't healthy it doesn't mean it isn't real but that you may need to cut that person out of your life not because you don't love them but because it can freeze you emotionally. When people stop drinking or doing drugs, it requires a lifestyle change and cutting out friends that may have them going back to their old life. I had done that with my father. As mean and horrible as it may sound to some, it was the best thing I did for myself. But when my brother contacted me and wanted me to get in contact with my father again, it made me "bleed" love. I do love him and yes he will always be part of my life because he is my father. But if you are bleeding love eventually you freeze and die emotionally. For me that means, I would eat myself into the grave and literally die eventually. This isn't good for me or my kids or my husband.
I am sure not everyone will understand this but that's ok. This is my song that I am dedicating to my father. Doug please listen.. I do love you and I always will. I know you think that I was brainwashed by Mom but I have my own mind always have. And this is still MY decision.