Day 14- Pushing myself and Being brave

Yesterday was a great day. Thanksgiving usually is. I got up early to cook most the day. I enlisted my daughter's and husband's help this year with the cooking. It was busy anyway. We ate our feast and I asked everyone what they were thankful for and everyone grumbled "Why does she always do this?" But it was good. We all are very thankful to have the roof over our heads and a table with chairs to eat at. Seems silly if you don't know, my family and I were homeless for about 7 weeks this summer. It was a very poorly planned out move to another state. Not like my husband didn't have a job. And then when we did got in here, we didn't have chairs because our chairs didn't fit in our moving van. So, needless to say we all had much to be thankful for. I had set up some goals for me to get through Thanksgiving without loosing weight. I made sure I had the cranberries, so I got in some fruit. I tried to have more turkey and not as much potatoes and stuffing. And most of all I was going to two workouts before I had pie. No matter what happened I told myself I would not beat myself up if I didn't do some of these things. Well, I met most of my goals. I didn't do two workouts, but I did do an hour worth of Turbo Cardio Party. I didn't want to; not sure why but my muscles just didn't want to move. I hadn't over eaten. I had to push myself to get through the video. But by the end I was happy I had and then I did allow myself a piece of pie. We all will have days like that when we just don't want to exercise, we may not want to but we need to. What we will find in pushing ourselves is that one we can do it and two pride in the accomplishment. 

Today, was also a very good day. I did the Turbo Jam 20 minute video. I know I needed to workout. It would have all been to easy with the holiday season to just not do it. I still don't do all the moves right but I am getting better. The more you do it the easier the moves get. My form isn't great but I know with time it will get better. My son even pretended to work out with me. He was really cute with his weighted gloves on and everything.

One thing about having my situation. the domestic violence that was proceeded by years of stalking is the isolation. I have spent years not trusting people, hiding myself away for fear of my ex-husband finding me and my daughter. This meant things like moving a lot, changing our names, never taking the same way home because I could and have been followed.  It also has meant no contracts on my cell phone because he found me once through that. I have had to be very protective of my privacy. Going online meant no pictures online and never putting my real city where I lived. Slowly through talking to others I have learned to trust. I met my husband on the internet while I was gaming. It wasn't like I was looking. It just happened and even then I waited six months to give him my phone number. It was the best thing that I ever did. We have now been married three and a half years and have a beautiful son together. Only through his love have I learned to trust others and start to love myself. Without him, I probably wouldn't have started this journey. I would have continued thinking I was doing the best I could under these conditions. It has been through the internet that I have gone to school and finished my education this past year and through the internet that I met my coach. These things have been life changers for me. The internet has allowed me to come out of my shell. So, it was highly appropriate that the final act of self confidence, the very act of being out there and releasing myself from my ex's hold was on the internet. I accomplished this today, 11 years, 2 months, and 3 days after that night that changed everything. The night I told you about in my first post. Today, I took that final act of bravery and posted my picture. It was scary. I did cry and within moments I was met with such wonderful comments from my family and friends that I am so glad I finally did it. Everyone commented on how beautiful I was inside and out. Before I would have argued with them but today looking at myself on Facebook I saw the beautiful woman I had become. I saw how happy I am in my eyes and knew that they were right. I may not be as skinny as I want to be, but beauty isn't about that.