Day 3

My daughter says my legs look smaller! Whoo hoo. She was watching me workout tonight in between talking to her teen friends on Facebook when she noticed. I am so excited. During losing my first 40 lbs I was kind of disappointed because I mostly lost weight across my chest and upper arms. There is a reason for that I know.
 

Number 1 when doing cardio you tend to loose fat around your heart first. This is usually most disappointing for women for a number of reasons. Our chest is so much part of us. Either we are big and we like that because we think that is what men like so loosing our D or bigger cups is devastating. like in my case. Or I see many women get upset because they were Cs or B cups and are worried that they will be As or flat chested. It is like somehow our woman hood is related to our boobs. We tend to have this idea that men or our husband won't like us if we aren't that perfect size. Or if as we get older or nurse our kids and our boobs start to droop that somehow along with loosing their perkiness we lose some sense of our sensuality or sexiness. But men like them in all shapes and sizes. No boob is the same anyway. Most aren't symmetrical but all they are is fat and mammary glands anyway. But yes they are what they are sex objects and food supplies for our babies. They are sensual, but I don't think that by losing some of the size that some how it makes them any less beautiful or they lose sensation.

Number 2 my arms lost weight and gained muscle because I was lifting weights. I was living at an apartment complex at the time that had a weight room and I took full advantage. Lifting weights makes you burn calories longer than with cardio alone. And women lifting heavy won't necessarily mean that you will gain large muscles. Sure we don't want to lift 300 lbs like men can sometimes. But lateral pull downs at 70 lbs or 80 if you can do it. Go for it. I was doing 70 when I moved a couple of months ago and I don't have huge muscles. But I am strong, which surprises many. I can lift my 45 lb son with no effort. In fact, he is now my bicep buddy. I do bicep curls with him. He loves it. Kids will do what is modeled to them. My teenage daughter isn't into working out ever. I didn't workout when she was younger. I was to depressed. But my 4 yr old son, will workout with me when he isn't running circles around me as I workout or stealing my water.

Being strong to me is important. I felt so weak for so long; still do most of the time. Those moments I feel strong I cherish. I don't want to feel weak anymore. I have felt like a child for so long. I am 36 now and still no matter what I do, say or act; I feel like a child. But when I workout, it makes me feel like a grown up. It makes me feel like I can take on the world the smaller I get and the stronger my muscles are.  Like no matter what anybody, any man does to me maybe I could defend myself. I have let myself feel inferior to others. I got good grades in school because my father demanded it of me or there were consequences. I continued after my parents got divorced because it was something I could control. I didn't have to talk to people when I studied. I did enjoy learning because I felt smart the more I learned but when I would talk to others I still felt like they were smarter than me somehow. I know now it was all those tapes playing in my head that made me think that. Thinking that boys didn't like smart girls. And things like no man would like me with my thighs. Ugh Why did I listen to the men who said that?

My coach read day 1 and said she was so proud of me because I had made so much progress since she met me several months ago. She is right I have. I have not only taken step 1 in a lifestyle change, which is identifying what was my triggers to getting fat but I think and I maybe wrong that step 2 is learning to stop those tapes from playing in your head. They may play from time to time but learning to identify the bad self talk and finding strategies to get beyond the lies we have told ourselves all these years is huge.

Ok time to stop my psycho babbling for now and get to reality of where I am. Reality check:

Chest   44"                R. Arm  16.75"       R. Leg 27.75"
Waist  53.5"              L. Arm   16"           L  Leg  28"
 Hips  56.5"

Weight 301

I can't remember where I put my measurements from 6 months ago when I started losing weight; but I can remember I weighed 337 after I had been working out a week or so and my chest was 48". So, I know I have lost about 40lbs maybe more and at least 4" maybe more.
Seeing these measurements does upset me. In high school, I may have been 178 but I remember in jr high I probably weighed 156 and I measured my waist and it was 27". Now my thigh is that size. So not pretty.
Well, this is where I am now; I will just have to workout and lose it.

On a good note, Turbo Jam was awesome today. I worked out for 45 min. doing Cardio Party. The kicks are still hard for me to get the timing right. But as you already know I was a dancer not a kickboxer. I will get it;it just takes practice. The rest was really good. Even with my heel spur I could modify the moves so I could make it low impact when I needed. I drank 64 oz of water during the DVD and sweated for a good hour after. Was sore in my obliques and front abdominals for a bit but it has since subsided.